I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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