Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
