when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
