halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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