Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
