i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
