I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
