its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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