I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
did i just pee glitter
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
