When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it's like iHOP with fire
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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