i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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