if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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