You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
