I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
