**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My life is pants optional.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
