So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
