We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
