I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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