Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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