did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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