Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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