Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
