the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
