living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
