Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
