but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
