you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize