At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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