i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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