I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i already hear my dad disowning me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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