i already hear my dad disowning me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
