So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
