You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
