The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I need to calm my uterus...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
