I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
