Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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