Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
