Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
