I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
