just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
