So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
