i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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