You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize