Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
