I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
