So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize