Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
