Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
