he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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