I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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