oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
