how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
