I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
