btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
