I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
