i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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