I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
