just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
