somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
