Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
