Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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