drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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