he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
